


in your heart, i'm set free

by mysteribunny (aditlep6)



Category: South Park
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22325800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aditlep6/pseuds/mysteribunny
Summary: Kenny wishes he could be like Stan and Kyle are.
Relationships: Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Comments: 8
Kudos: 136





	in your heart, i'm set free

**Author's Note:**

> some warnings: this fic has maladaptive daydreaming/a character in a disassociative state. there is also implied physical abuse and homophobia but it is not explicitly written. please consider these before reading! i swear everyone is happy in the end
> 
> title is from party at the end of the world by my chemical romance
> 
> enjoy!

Kenny threw open Kyle’s door and swung it shut behind him, not bothering to take in the scene before plopping on the end of the couch. Kyle sat at the other end with Stan on the floor between his legs. Kyle was playing with Stan’s hair while Stan played some racing game mindlessly. They did this every Saturday, and Kenny usually crashed the party. 

“Hey, Kenny,” Stan greeted, never taking his eyes off the game. Kyle looked over at Kenny’s slumped, defeated figure, and then fixed his eyes on the television, more intently than before. 

Kenny mumbled in reply and the three sat in silence for a few minutes, the only sounds coming softly from the game. Eventually Kyle’s mother came out of the kitchen. 

“Oh, hello Kenny,” she said in surprise, “I thought I heard someone come in. There’s leftovers from breakfast if you’re hungry. I’ll plate them for you.” 

“Thank you,” he said, quietly. He didn’t get up. 

“Kyle, Stan, I’m going to the store in a few minutes. Is there anything you need me to pick up?” 

“No thanks, Mom,” Kyle said. He never once took his hands out of Stan’s hair. Stan gave her a grateful smile. 

“No thanks Mrs. Broflovski,” Stan said. 

“No problem, boys. Call me if you can think of anything.” She left the room. 

“How’s Butters?” Stan asked after a strained moment. 

“I don’t know,” Kenny snapped. “Haven’t talked to him,” he said softer. 

“That sucks dude,” Kyle sympathized. Kenny shrugged even though no one was looking. 

Kenny looked at his friends and let himself imagine it: Kenny on the floor between Butters’ legs, his hood down and fingers in his hair while he played the game. He really let his mind go, and he thought about how Butters’ mom would make them breakfast and they’d wrestle legs under the table where no one could see. Stephen Stotch would see them on the couch and wouldn’t bat an eye; in fact, he’d be delighted and say “Butters, Kenny, I’m going to the store in a few minutes, is there anything you need?” As if Kenny was an extension of Butters instead of a parasite. 

Butters would say, “Well, gee, Dad, I really appreciate it, but I can’t think of anything I need right now. What about you, Kenny?” And Kenny would say, “I’d really love some Cheesy Poofs if you could swing it,” because he’s not a fucking prude like Stan, and Stephen would say “You have such a colorful vocabulary, Kenny! I’d be happy to pick you up a snack. Anybody that makes my son happy makes me happy.” 

And Butters’ face would go bright red and he’d gush, “Geez, Dad, you’re embarassin’ me!” 

But none of that would ever happen, because the last he’d heard from Butters was Thursday when he’d come to school with a suspiciously high turtleneck. On a whim Kenny dragged him behind the school by the dumpster. He was in such an angry haze that he didn’t care that the goth kids were watching as he rolled down the fabric to reveal some nasty finger-like bruises around Butters’ neck. He kissed every ugly purple spot on Butters and massaged his shoulders as lightly as he could without making him wince. Butters didn’t say anything, just cried quietly, and when Kenny snuck up the tree in front of Butters’ house that night and knocked on the window, there was no answer. He didn’t come to school the next day, either. 

“He could be dead for all I know,” Kenny said suddenly, briefly forgetting where he was. Kyle jumped and Stan paused the game. 

“Don’t think like that, dude,” Kyle said. “It’s Butters. He’s stronger than you know.” 

“Yeah, man, he’ll come back to school on Monday. He always does.” 

“Until when? Until he’s not strong enough to take it anymore? Until he doesn’t come back to school?” Kenny jumped off the couch. “Fuckin’ hungry,” he justified, even though he’d lost his appetite. 

There was a pathetic little plate with some home fries and a lone sunny side up egg on the kitchen table. He put the plate in the microwave and hit the reheat button, staring at the steady rotation inside the machine. He thought about putting his head in there, too. He heard Stan and Kyle come in and sit at the table but didn’t turn to acknowledge them. He only said, “I thought your mom was in here.” 

“Dude, she left like ten minutes ago. We were on the couch. She literally said goodbye.” Kyle sounded incredulous, but Kenny wasn’t surprised. He did that sort of thing all the time – went too deep into his daydreams. 

“We’re juniors, Kenny,” Stan began carefully, like he’d scare Kenny away. “We’re almost done. He’ll be out of there before you know it, and you’ll get out of your house too.” The egg was sizzling, probably burning, but Kenny didn’t care.

“A year and a half is still a long ass time.”

“And he’s been dealing with it for sixteen already,” Kyle reminded. Kenny finally opened the microwave door. The plate was too hot, but he grabbed it anyway and brought it to the table, dropping it with a loud _clunk_ just to be an asshole. 

“You don’t have a fucking clue,” Kenny instigated, rifling around drawers for a fork. “Your parents think you’re cute or whatever. You don’t have to hide and you don’t have to take the shit we do. You have no fucking clue.” Kyle must have gotten annoyed with his fruitless searching, so he grabbed a clean fork off the drying rack and handed it to Kenny. He snatched it and sat, poking at the overcooked egg. 

“You’re right,” Stan said, and Kenny looked up, surprised. “We have no clue the shit you guys go through. We’re lucky we’re accepted. We know that.” Kenny looked down in shame. 

“You can still talk to us about it, though,” Kyle agreed, “even if we don’t always get it.” 

Kenny sighed and finally took a bite of the steaming home fries. They were delicious, as always, and Kenny was ungrateful, as always. “I don’t know what it is,” he explained, “I put up with this sort of shit every day of my life, but the minute it happens to him, I can’t handle it. I freak out and make it all about me.” 

“Of course you do, dude, you love him,” Kyle said without hesitation. “You probably love him more than you love yourself, and it hurts to see him in pain. Stan doesn’t get his ass beat or anything, but when he broke his arm on the football field last season, I thought I was gonna die, not even him.” Kenny and Stan laughed even though Kyle seemed serious. It was the first time Kenny had laughed in a while, he realized. 

“I guess,” Kenny admitted. He finished the food and brought the plate to the sink. “I just wish there was more I could do for him.” 

“He probably appreciates you trying so hard,” Stan reassured. “He definitely knows you’re always there to catch him if he falls.” Kenny rolled his eyes, about to make a comment about how gay that sounded, when the doorbell rang. Kyle went to get it, and Kenny watched Stan watch Kyle go. 

“You’re in deep,” Kenny said. 

“Huh?” Stan asked, and while Kenny was laughing at him, Kyle walked back into the kitchen, Butters behind him. 

“Well, hey Kenny,” Butters said before Kenny was practically tackling him, crossing the room in an instant. He pulled back and examined his neck, his face, and his wrists. “I’m fine!” Butters said gleefully. 

“Sorry,” Kenny apologized, and then took him up in a hug again. Butters giggled, and it was fucking adorable. 

“I asked my parents if I could study with Kyle,” Butters explained. Kenny tensed at the mention of parents but let him finish. “I figured, Kenny’ll probably be there, and if he ain’t, I’ll still be able to study with my friend Kyle, huh? But I’m glad I was right, ‘cause I sure missed you, Kenny. I wasn't feelin' too well on Friday and I knew you'd be worried sick that I didn't come to school.” Butters pulled back and placed a kiss square on Kenny’s nose, and Kenny’s face caught fire. 

“I’m glad,” Kyle said after clearing his throat, reminding everyone that he and Stan were, in fact, still in the room. 

“My god, I never thought I’d see Kenny like this,” Stan thought out loud, and Kyle punched him in the shoulder. 

“We’re gonna go play games now!” Kyle announced and dragged Stan out of his chair. 

“Gee, I’d love to watch a game!” Butters cheered, "but I-I'm no good at 'em." 

“Come on, we’ve got two controllers. You can watch Kenny play,” Stan said. 

“Why the hell does Kyle never play with you if you have two controllers?” Kenny asked, finally snapping out of his reverie. 

“’Cause I’m always busy,” Kyle said, referring to his playing with Stan’s hair. That gave Kenny an idea. 

They went back into the living room and Kenny pushed Butters to sit on the couch, just lightly enough for him to get the idea. He grabbed the spare controller from Stan and sat on the floor, his back against Butters’ knees. Butters spread his legs a little and pulled Kenny’s hood down to play with his hair. 

“You read my fucking mind. God, I fucking love you,” Kenny said unabashedly, loud enough for everyone to hear. 

“Gee Kenny, I fuckin’ love you too!” Butters said sweetly and kissed the crown of Kenny’s head. Everyone laughed at Butters’ absurdity, but not as hard as Kenny did, tears in his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/genderclumps)  
> 


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